Glenn. Glenn! Are you listening? Can you hear me? No, this is not God talking to you (bloody idiot!). No, Glenn, this is Your Future calling. It’s time we had a chat, you and I. Glenn, you have been getting a lot of publicity lately, starting to go all ‘Christian Revivalist God ‘n Stuff,’ babbling in tongues about the Great Awakening movement and getting the ‘Holier than Thou’ crowd babbling right along with you like a pack of coyotes joining in with each other howling at the moon. I’ve noticed you’ve even publicly aligned yourself with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin (the self-proclaimed ‘Momma Grizzly’, the ‘Thrilla from Wasilla’) to add gravitas to your ‘Born Again Holier Than Thou’ routine. Nice touch, Glenn. But, Glenn ol’ boy, I’m worried about you…and I’m here to have a chat to see if I can’t talk some sense into you before it’s too late.
Glenn, about this ‘Alaska Connection‘ you are trying to make. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘Useful Idiot?’ Or, how about a guy named Timothy Treadwell? Do you see the connection I’m trying to make here, or do I have to spell it out for you? Huh? What’s that Glenn? You want me to spell it out for you? OK, buddy. You see, Glenn ol’ chum, just like Timothy Treadwell got a bit familiar with wild grizzly bears up Alaska way, I fear for your safety as you get in too close with the great ‘Momma Grizzly’ herself who is looking at you as some sort of useful idiot to further her political ambitions that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Apparently (and this is strictly my opinion, of course), Mr. Treadwell was a bit full of himself and let his guard down, and forgot that he was dealing with wild animals and not friends. He fantasized that the laws of nature would be miraculously suspended just for him and that he could walk among the grizzlies with impugnity. And that the bears’ interests were somehow aligned with his. He magically believed that not only would those bears not eat him alive, but that they would somehow protect him and those closest to him from harm.
And I see the same thing happening to you, Glenn. You’re starting to believe your own press, and it’s blinding you to the reality that once the ‘Momma Grizzly’ gets within sight of her goals – which is likely to be in the number 1 or number 2 slot on a Palin/Gingrich presidential ticket in 2012, she is going to whip around and take your head off with a flick of her mighty Momma Grizzly paw. I can see you right now, your head mounted on the wall in between a couple of mooseheads, just above the fireplace in the Oval Office. (You’ll really like what they will do with the place! And, that’s good because you’ll be hanging there for a while, old chum.)
So, here’s my message to you, Glenn: Get out now while you still can. Shake off those delusions of grandeur you are obviously suffering from, and run – do not walk – to the nearest exit (stage right, of course).
Take it from me, Glenn. Your Future will be here before you know what hit you.
Now, babble on.